I may seem calm on the exterior, smiling even...but this sucks. I don't know how to say it so I'm just going to put it bluntly. Everything's a mess. Tobey's left Orlando because...well I don't know the whole story, all I know is that Heath kissed Orlando and I don't think Tobey's about to forgive him, just yet. They're both in a lot of pain and as much as I want to help, as I've tried to help Orli, I had to bring him to someone stronger, better suited to help him. I couldn't, I tried and I couldn't. I have to check on him soon...and Tobey. Tobey probably thinks that I'm only looking out for Orlando. He would be wrong. Orlando is my best friend, he's my main concern, but that doesn't exclude Tobey in the slightest. If he needs me when I go to him, I'll be there.
And then there's what's messed in my head, that's fucking up what's going on in my heart. I'm falling for him, hard....don't act like you don't know. Tobey was right, I should've just told him. But now, I don't know anymore. He's hot and cold, distant and then close. I was expecting a puzzle, the mystery that he is, not a mind fuck. But the thing is, he's not a mind fuck. It's me that's messing up my own mind, my own heart. I get jealous over the smallest things, over the most unlikely people. At least I hope I'm just being paranoid. Why do I feel like this? Again? 4 years older or 20 years older...does it really matter? I'm still messed up.
I need....I need a girls' night. I need Emma and Aly...and all the other girls.